The RTFH

Raging Toddler From Hell.

Yeah, that was my day, yesterday. I swear, we've hit the terrible two's hardcore the last couple of days. Now mind you, this could be due to several factors other than age. The husband is getting ready to go on another journey. I think the RTFH may be picking up on this. It's normal around this stage of the game for him to be completely thrown off. Also, RTFH doesn't nap on his worse RTFH days. Let's take yesterday for example:

RTFH slept in and woke at 9:30. We did our morning activities of breakfast/cartoons/playtime just as usual. Then we had to go get groceries. We usually shop at the Commissary, but it is closed on Monday. BOOOOOOO! So we went up the road to Stop and Shop where I was in completely unfamiliar territory. It was also insanely busy since it was payday. I also had a hyper toddler. Now, the worst part is this particular store has kiddie carts with a car on the front. Great, right? Wrong. He was so low to the ground the he could see and touch entirely too many things. Forty-five minutes later we'd made it out of the store. I'd only forgotten about ten things, but I'll get those while he's in school on Thursday.

We get home, where RTFH demands chicken and beans for lunch, only to not eat any of it. I decide my nerves are shot for the morning and down he goes for a non-nap. This consisted of alternating screams of joy and frustration that he was 'trapped' in his crib. After two hours, I entered the Boy Cave to a giggle and a smile. I thought for sure the rest of the day would be more peaceful. I got the RTFH dressed and changed, and we headed over to the base. RTFH was behind on one of his vaccinations, so I figured we'd go take care of that and then go to the library as a special treat afterwards. In the waiting room, RT

FH ran all around acting crazy, pulling pamphlets from the displays, shrieking in delight at his own chaos, and playing with the water fountain. His name was finally called, he got his shot(and two stickers!) and we went back to the waiting area. You have to sit for a few minutes to make sure there's no reaction. We waited our time and then I told him we were going to the library to get some books. His smile told me that would be great fun, but his actions told me otherwise. As soon as I uttered the words, 'let's go!' the RTFH literally

melted into a puddle on the floor. Laughing at me as I tried to pull him to a stand. Sitting across from us was a dad with his newborn, chuckling. CHUCKLING at me. I was pissed. I looked at him and said, 'just you wait. Your time will come.' He continued to laugh. Whatever, butthead. Finally, I picked up the RTFH and threw him over my shoulder, garnering stares from everyone in the clinic, and made my way to the car.

Things were okay on the way to the library. RTFH was occupied by his bagpipes cd(yes, strange child) and a Thomas the Train. We find parking and then walk to the library. RTFH surprises me and actually holds my hand without prompting. I'm impressed. Inside the library, we make our way to the children's room. First off...who puts TOYS in a library? I couldn't tear him away from the toys long enough to even glance at one book. After so

me tears, he walked over to the bookshelf and proceeded to grab fifteen books and push them onto the floor. Ugh. So I said FINE. I'll pick out a couple books for you. RTFH is all, 'whatever. i don't care. go on with your bad self, ma.' Enter another round of tears and, 'OMG my mom is BEATING ME!!! HELP!!!' noises as we exit the children's room to go check out. At this point, I'm just downright tired. While waiting in line, RTFH takes off and is running through the library, cackling maniacally, and sendig books flying every direction. All the while smiling at me. I stop him(eventually) and tell him that's not nice and to come stand in line with me. At the desk, RTFH proceeds to knock down the entire Bestsellers display and I decide we're done. I grabbed his hand, and RTFH limp noodles it again. AARRGH! I'm pissed. Like, I'm seriously about to lose my shit in a public place. ON A MILITARY BASE. I had to get out of there. I flung him up onto my hip and away we went, him screaming the entire way.

As we get to the car, I'm like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Digging in my purse for the keys, RTFH flings himself downwards towards its contents, looking for 'nacks! nacks!' I literally yelled NO, right in his ear. Crying ensues...again. I find the keys, open the door, and feel blessed at having a carseat. RTFH is now restrained. Being the mean mommy that I am, I took away ALL his sticker, ALL his toys, and ALL his comfort objects. I tell RTFH, 'you can sit there ALONE until we get home. You were NAUGHTY.' Maybe I'm wierd, but I took comfort in taking HIS comfort objects away. I'm a horrible person, aren't I? Seriously, though. That was the only thing that kept me from dumping his cloth-diapered ass on the side of the road.

He cried the whole way home. Shocker, huh? Then when we got home he was still acting up. I just laid on the couch, silently counting the minutes until bed

time. At that point, I just did not care. Not one single bit.

I'm normally not like this. But the RTFH sure knows how to bring out my mean side. I know he's almost two, but really...that's not an excuse to act like a damn fool. He knew he shouldn't be doing the things he was, because he was LAUGHING while doing them. Just like I'm sure you're laughing at ME now. ;) It's okay, though. Writing about it does make it seem a little more funny.